Let's talk about feeling scared. David shares a memory of an emergency, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how fear can be a friend, helping to keep us safe.
Let's talk about feeling scared. David shares a memory of an emergency, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how fear can be a friend, helping to keep us safe.
You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart.
You can find Nakita’s book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. Check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Everyday Feels: A Kids Podcast About Emotions
S1 EP2, David (Scared)
[INTRODUCTION]
Nakita: Hi, I'm Nakita Simpson.
Ann-Louise: And I'm Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart.
Nakita: I wrote a kid's book called A Kids Book About Emotions.
Ann-Louise: and I help kids and grownups work through their emotions.
Nakita: And now we're making...
Ann-Louise: ...a podcast about them.
Nakita: This is Everyday Feels, a podcast about emotions for kids and their grownups.
This podcast is better together. Listen with a grownup, with a family member, with the class or with a friend. How are you feeling today, Dr. Lockhart?
Ann-Louise: I'm feeling hungry. I'm feeling a little hungry today because I had a late breakfast. So I thought it'd be fine, but I'm like, “You know what? I think I need to eat something.”
So yes, I'm feeling hungry. But how about you Nikita? How are you feeling today?
Nakita: Um, I'm feeling a little tired. My allergies have been pretty bad lately, so I've had to get a lot of rest because I took some medicine so I could feel it. But I'm also feeling, um, a little sad.
It's a lot of, a lot of bad news I've been seeing with the pandemic going on. And, um, it's just not good to hear that a lot of people are having a tough time out in the world. Some, a little sad, but yeah. Trying to stay hopeful.
Ann-Louise: Yeah. Thanks for sharing how you feel because I think that it's important for us to be in touch with that, because sometimes we get asked the question, How are you doing?
And we don't think people really want to know. And so we just say fine. So I think it's always good to appreciate stopping and listening to others and actually hearing about their experiences.
Nakita: I agree, Dr. Lockhart, thinking about this episode, what do you do when you feel an emotion that feels uncomfortable?
Ann-Louise: Ah, that's such a great question. You know, I start by noticing the feeling and then I really do my best to figure out why that feeling is there. I also like to talk to a friend or my husband about it, and sometimes I just give myself a break, maybe take a nap or watch something funny.
That's one of my favorite things to do. What about you? What do you do when you have uncomfortable feelings?
Nakita: Mm, that's a good question. You know, sometimes I used to try to find something else to distract myself. So that way I wouldn't feel the feeling, but now that I've gotten older and with a lot more practice, Sometimes I just find it more helpful to sit with the feeling and ask a lot of why questions, why am I feeling this way?
What's making me, or even what questions to what is making me feel so uncomfortable? Is it this emotion? Is it maybe something else happening around me? And when I take some time asking myself a lot of questions, I'll journal them. I'll do something that I like a lot, like doodling or color. And sometimes I'll talk with a friend so that way can help myself understand what I'm feeling and process it a little better.
And it's always a friend that I trust and I always make sure that they have the space to listen to me talk about my feelings. So we're going to discuss one of the uncomfortable feelings people experienced today. Are you ready?
Ann-Louise: I sure am.
[LISTENER MEMORY]
Nakita: Speaking of feeling uncomfortable feelings. I think it's time we heard from David, from Pasadena, California, who has a story to share about feeling scared.
David is 11 years old. Let's listen to him.
David: Hi, my name is David. I live in Pasadena, California, and I’m 11 years old.
I have a little brother, a little sister, a mom, and a dad.
Grownup: Do you know what emotions are?
David: Yes! Emotions are how you’re feeling.
Grownup: That’s right. Can you tell me about an experience that you had, that you had a specific emotion.
David: Okay, so once when I was 5 years old, I think, my little sister fell off her crib, and she cracked her head open. And I was scared because I didn’t know what was going on.
Um, my mom was there and then when they left my grandparents came.
Around the house all of the neighbors came. And once like they left, then my grandparents came and we went and got ice cream.
Grownup: So you started to feel scared, and then, and then you felt what?
David: Happy. My grandparents were there, and then we got ice cream.
Ann-Louise: Yeah, That must have been really scary because when we go through something we've never gone through before, and we don't know what we're supposed to do, like we haven't rehearsed. How do you handle things when you feel scared? And sometimes we haven't gone through that. It's kind of like when you're at school and there's a fire drill and they go through the steps that you're supposed to take, but we don't go through drills at home. And so that's why it can feel even, like, scary.
Nakita: That's so true. I can't think of any scary situation that I've experienced, that I knew exactly what to do. Sometimes it feels as though my brain has all the bells and whistles going off and I'm not always sure how to act. There's no rehearsal. And my brain is just trying to figure out what is the next step that I should take now that I've experienced this very big and scary.
Ann-Louise: Yeah. You know, I remember when I was a kid and I used to be afraid of the dark and I would have to walk our family dog in the dark and we lived in a dark neighborhood. And so I would be so scared. And I just remember thinking, well, you know, like, what am I supposed to do with all this scary thoughts? And that's, that's hard when you just feel like you're left alone, literally in the dark feelings.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, why don't we just take a quick stretch break. We'll shake those wiggles out, get comfortable and get cozy. And when we come back, we'll talk about feeling scared, why we feel it, and why it's so important to our everyday life. We'll even give you listeners a chance to share a memory of being scared and listen as others around you share their memories of being scared.
We'll continue after the short break.
[EXPLORING THE EMOTION]
Nakita: Welcome back. We just listened to David who told us about how scared he was when his sister fell out of her crib and hurt herself.
Ann-Louise: Yeah, that sounds so scary, David, and thanks so much for sharing your experiences and being so brave to share with so many others, you know, Nikita it's okay to be scared when scary things happen and when scary things happen, it can trigger many other feelings.
You know, as a kid, you're still learning about feelings and your brain is learning about what to do when you feel them. It's a lot to learn.
Nakita: Oof. It really is. Even grownups are still figuring out and learning about what to do when big feelings happen. It doesn't automatically get easier just because you grew up. You know, Dr.
Lockhart, I'm wondering if there are other names used to describe the feeling of scared?
Ann-Louise: That's a great question. Nikita. Now there are definitely words we can use to describe the emotion of feeling scared. These are called synonyms words, such as worried, panicked, nervous, unsafe, fear, unsettled, and guarded come to mind.
They mean slightly different things, but they all describe different ways. We feel scared. And what happens in our bodies when that happens.
Nakita: Hmm. Now, why do you think it's important to feel scared or nervous or even unsettled sometimes?
Ann-Louise: You know, I definitely think it's important to feel scared or unsettled sometimes because it might be our body's way of telling us that a situation is unsafe.
Maybe our brain is telling us to step back and make sure a certain person is okay to be around. Our body and our brain can be our friend, helping us make sense of the world. We just don't want it warning us all the time, thinking everything is dangerous.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, thank you so much for sharing that. I think it's important to remember that it's okay to know that what's happening is a natural response when we're feeling scared.
And feeling scared sometimes is our body's way of keeping us from harm.
You know, I remember feeling unguarded and unsafe when I was walking home from school and a really big dog was following my friends and I, uh, back to our apartment complex and it was totally unheard of. Didn’t ever expect it. And having a big dog bark and follow you all the way back to your home is kind of scary, especially when you're a kid and you're not sure what to do.
Ann-Louise: That does sound scary and kind of funny too. I remember feeling nervous and panicked specifically when I was with my friend who was my neighbor and we were walking her cat.
She had the brilliant idea that we should walk her cat. And we were walking the kids’ cat, and this huge dog started chasing us and we took off and I. Didn't remember exactly what happened. I remember falling, you know, like you do in a really scary movie. It was not a great situation, but I was so panicked in that moment.
It turned out well, by the way,
Nakita: I'm glad it did. And I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one as a kid that had a hard time with big, scary dogs.
You know what I think we should do? Why don't we give everyone listening the opportunity to share a scary memory with whomever they may be listening with. Maybe that's a parent or a sibling, an aunt, or a friend, a teacher, or a grownup you trust. And if you're listening by yourself, you can say the memory out loud or just think it to yourself.
Ann-Louise: Nakita. I think that's a great idea.
What I would suggest is to take your time. Hold onto feeling safe, right? And know that sharing the memory doesn't have to be an overwhelmingly scary thing.
Think about the memory. Remember why you were scared, what you did, what you wished you had done differently.
You can write it down, draw it out and to share it with your grownup.
And if you're a grown up and listening with your kid, take this time to listen, give them the space to share and provide comfort as needed.
No need to provide advice. Just listen for now. We'll give you more specific tools in a bit.
Nakita: All right. Well, here's where you can pause the podcast and share your scary memory with whomever you're listening with. Take as much time as you need Dr. Lockhart, and I will be waiting right here for you when you're ready to come back.
[REFLECTION BREAK]
Ann-Louise: Welcome back. We hope you have the opportunity to maybe share by herself or with your grownup about a time you felt scared, worried, or unsettled, and we hope that you felt heard and safe while.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, before we wrap up, are there any tools for scary thoughts and feelings that you think would help our listeners and even the grownups?
Ann-Louise: Absolutely Nakita. I have three really helpful tools and tips.
So first, your feelings are not your enemy, your feelings give you messages about other people and the world around you. So just embrace those feelings. Even the scary ones, it's going to be uncomfortable. I know, but this is an important process. It's going to be scary. I know, but this is an important part of the process.
Second, when you feel scared, slow your breathing and breathe from your belly, like you're blowing up a balloon or blowing a pinwheel slow and steady breaths.
Remind yourself, you are brave. You can do hard things and you deserve to feel safe and to be safe. It's okay to tell people what you need when you feel unsure or scared.
[WRAP-UP]
Nakita: Okay. That was beautiful. Okay. Now for the wrap-up. Thanks again to David from Pasadena, California, for sharing with us about how he felt when his baby sister fell out of the crib and hit her head. Hope he's feeling better. And thank you, Dr. Lockhart, for letting us remember and understand what feeling scared is the different words we can use to express our fear like unsettled, unsure, panicked, or nervous.
And thank you for reminding us that our feelings give us information and that we are brave for sharing. Most importantly, thanks for reminding us that each of us deserves to feel safe and that you can tell a trusted grownup when you feel unsure or unsettled.
Ann-Louise: Of course, Nikita. I'm so glad to be here, talking with you about feelings and to our listeners. If you want professional help and need to talk to someone about how you feel. You can find a therapist online by typing “child psychologist near me”. You can look up all the different professionals in your area.
That's a great place to start.
Nakita: And remember, you are the expert on your emotions.
Ann-Louise: Emotions are really your friend.
Nakita: And you're always allowed to feel what you feel.
Ann-Louise: Let's continue this journey together.
[CLOSING]
Nakita: Thanks for joining us today. You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart. You can find my book, a kid's book about emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
Ann-Louise: Everyday Feels is written by Nakita Simpson and Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart. Our show is edited and produced by Matthew Winner with help from Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. And check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Nakita: Until next time.
Ann-Louise: Bye for now.