Let’s talk about feeling stuck. Jazlyn shares a memory of freezing up, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how grounding ourselves can help when situations are overwhelming.
Let’s talk about feeling stuck. Jazlyn shares a memory of freezing up, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how grounding ourselves can help when situations are overwhelming.
You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart.
You can find Nakita’s book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. Check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Everyday Feels: A Kids Podcast About Emotions
S1 EP7, Jazlyn (Stuck)
[INTRODUCTION]
Nakita: Hi, I'm Nakita Simpson.
Ann-Louise: And I'm Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart.
Nakita: I wrote a kid's book called A Kids Book About Emotions.
Ann-Louise: and I help kids and grownups work through their emotions.
Nakita: And now we're making a podcast about them.
Ann-Louise: This is Everyday Feels, a podcast about emotions for kids and their grownups.
Nakita: This podcast is better together. Listen with a grownup, with a family member, with the class or with a friend. How are you feeling today, Dr. Lockhart?
Ann-Louise: I'm feeling relaxed today, because I have had a slow-ish day. How about you Nakita? How are you feeling today?
Nakita: I'm feeling a little tired and sad, because it’s been a long week and I’ve been struggling with all the things to do, but I’m happy we’re here together today.
Ann-Louise: Me too. Me too. Thanks for sharing.
Nakita: Oh, You’re welcome, Dr. Lockhart. Thank you for that too. Thinking about this episode, what is happening when you’re feeling an emotion, but you feel stuck in it?
Ann-Louise: Like you can’t get out of it?
Nakita: Yeah. Yeah. What is that?
Ann-Louise: So that’s part of our brain’s way to get us to safety. We might run away, that’s flight. We might go in attack mode, that’s fight. We might pass out, that’s fawn. We might stop in our tracks and can’t move, that’s freeze. There is no shame in this. Our brain is trying to figure out what to do with this new information and then we react.
Nakita: You know, it’s pretty amazing how our brain just knows. It doesn’t always feel good when we feel out of control though.
Ann-Louise: Oh, I know it doesn’t feel good at all. It can actually feel really uncomfortable. So today we're going to discuss what exactly is happening when we get stuck and the feeling behind that. We’ll talk about what you can do about it too.
Nakita: Are you ready?
Ann-Louise: I sure am. Are you?
Nakita: Definitely!
[SHARING THE MEMORY]
Nakita: Today we’re gonna hear from Jazlyn, from Canada, who has a story to share about what happened when she felt like she froze.
Jazlyn is 10 years old. Let's listen together.
Jazlyn: My name is Jazlyn. I am 10 years old. I live in Canada. The members of my family are my older brother, my baba, and my momma.
Grownup: Awesome! And Baba, is Dad in Arabic, right?
Jazlyn: Yeah!
Grownup: Amazing. All right, so let’s talk about some feelings. You were gonna talk about something else and then we changed our mind right before we started. And I think it’s perfect. A time you felt…
Jazlyn: Scared is right before we started this recording!
Grownup: You felt scared, what else did you feel?
Jazlyn: I felt nervous and I felt excited.
Grownup: Awesome. And so what did you do?
Jazlyn: I took some deep breaths and uh I counted backwards from 4, and I I mmm clenched my fists.
Grownup: Awesome. So a few different strategies there. So why do you think you felt that way?
Jazlyn: I felt that way because I am anxious a lot.
Grownup: Okay. And what about this experience brought along those scared excited anxious feelings?
Jazlyn: Um just really the fact that I’m going to be doing a whole podcast so that everyone can hear me.
Grownup: Okay. If you were to change something, what would you change?
Jazlyn: Um that’s a tough question. Like, I don’t really wanna change anything. Because anxiety is just like a thing you have to feel so that you understand that feeling.
Grownup: Okay. Amazing. And how are you feeling about this now? How are you feeling about doing this now?
Jazlyn: Still the same feelings, but feeling a little bit better now that I have been doing it for a little bit.
Grownup: Amazing. All right should we talk about the topic we were gonna talk about? We can try or we can end, what do you think?
Jazlyn: Try.
Grownup: What were you going to talk about?
Jazlyn: I was going to talk about the time that I went to a like a restaurant.
Grownup: Yes.
Jazlyn: That whenever I go to restaurants I feel excited when I’m about to go. Then in the car I get anxious. Then when I get to the restaurant I can’t choose and I I freeze. So I do part of the fight flight and freeze. Flight, fright, fight and freeze, and I freeze, so I can’t really do anything. And it’s hard for me to stop doing that. But I have a help from an adult, and I have some help and by counting and deep breathing and by having a hug.
Grownup: Awesome. And how did you solve it? How do we usually solve it when you can’t make a choice in hard moments?
Jazlyn: In hard moments when I choose usually lately I’ve been doing pros and cons and the pros of getting something and the cons of getting something, so yeah, that’s helpful.
It problem solves our feelings because it’s quick and easy, but it can be sometimes hard or difficult It can be either way really.
Grownup: Amazing! And what other tools do we use? So once we do our pros and cons and we pick our item, does that solve everything?
Jazlyn: Not not like fully, but it does help a lot.
Grownup: Amazing! Well, thank you for sharing one of your feelings about what happens at a restaurant when you go into freeze, and one of the ways you solve that.
Jazlyn: Bye!
[EXPLORING THE EMOTION]
Ann-Louise: You are listening to Everyday Feels and we just heard from Jazlyn. I love Jazlyn’s story so much. I just love it, because she described what it’s like to feel stuck, frozen, and even hesitant about doing something new. Then, she allowed herself to feel what she felt. And then! She went into problem-solving mode! Way to go Jazlyn! I cannot wait to discuss this more with you, Nakita.
Nakita: I can’t wait either, Dr. Lockhart. Listeners, if you don’t mind we’re gonna take a quick break here. Take a pause yourself, maybe grab some water or a snack. And when we come back, we'll talk about feeling stuck and what to do when that happens. We'll even give you listeners a chance to share that memory and listen as others around you share their memories too.
We'll continue after the short break.
[BREAK]
Nakita: Welcome back to Everyday Feels.
We just listened to Jazlyn who told us about how she felt stuck when she went to a restaurant. She talked about what she did about that feeling and how she moved past it too.
Ann-Louise: That was a really great story. Thanks for sharing, Jazlyn. I think it’s so important to remember or to know if you’re hearing this for the first time, that our feelings are really our friends. Just like our body feels thirsty when we need water, so we drink and start feeling better, our feelings do the same thing for our body and our brain.
It is a sign telling us what we need. So, instead of feeling bad about how we feel, we can simply notice and describe how we feel.
Nakita: I’m glad you brought that up Dr. Lockhart. I always thought feeling stuck meant I was just frustrated, but realized my body was trying to give me helpful clues to fix a problem. Are there other words we can use to describe this stuck response?
Ann-Louise: Oh, yes, that's a great question. Now there are definitely words we can use to describe the stuck emotion. These are called synonyms. These include words such as reluctant, hesitant, indecisive, stop, hold, or control. Just like I mentioned a moment ago, our emotional response is our brain’s way of telling us what we need. Sometimes we freeze and get stuck because we aren’t sure what to do next. We’re trying to figure out if the next decision is safe or not.
Nakita: Hmm. So, it’s okay to freeze sometimes and not move forward.
Ann-Louise: Absolutely! It’s okay to pause, stop, think, and make a decision based on all the information we have, just like Jazyln did. She weighed the pros and the cons, which means she looked at the best thing that could happen and the worst thing. Then, she made a decision that was right for her. That takes a lot of bravery.
Nakita: I definitely agree Dr. Lockhart. The pause can be hard. We put so much pressure on ourselves to make a decision or to do something. Sometimes we’re just not ready yet.
It reminds me when I have days where it’s hard to pick out what to wear for the day, the choices feel overwhelming! But I try to take some deep breaths to reset when I know the decision feels too hard for a moment. I try to remember how taking a pause is okay, then taking a step forward is okay too.
Ann-Louise: That sounds so familiar. I remember when I was a kid and I wanted to not be shy, but I felt stuck and didn’t know how to reach out and speak to others in a group. It was hard feeling uncomfortable and I didn’t want to feel that way. What I needed was to learn that so many people feel the same way too and actually have the same reaction, even if they do a very good job at hiding it. Our brains and our bodies are so fascinating! We already know what we need. We just have to listen.
Nakita: I am loving where this conversation is going, Dr. Lockhart. You know what I think we should do? I think we should give our listeners the chance to take a moment and share a memory with whoever they’re with. Maybe they’re listening with a friend, a cousin, or a sibling, a babysitter, or a grownup you trust. And if you're listening by yourself, you can say the memory out loud or just think it to yourself.
Ann-Louise: Nakita. I think that's a great idea.
Think about a time you froze when you had to make a tough decision. Share that memory. Remember why you felt stuck or frozen. You can write it down, play it out, and share it with your grownup.
And if you're a grown up and listening with your kid, take this time to listen, give them the space to share and then thank them for sharing their story.
No need to provide advice. Just listen for now. We'll give you more specific tools in a bit.
Nakita: All right. Well, here's where you can pause the podcast and share your memory with whomever you're listening with. Take as much time as you need. Dr. Lockhart and I will be waiting right here for you when you're ready to come back.
[REFLECTION BREAK]
Ann-Louise: Welcome back to Everyday Feels. We hope you had the opportunity to share by yourself or with your grownup about a time you felt stuck.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, before we wrap up, are there any tools for feeling stuck and any tools you can think of that would help our listeners and even the grownups?
Ann-Louise: Oh, absolutely Nakita. I have one reminder and two really helpful tips.
Always remember your feelings are not your enemy, your feelings give you messages about other people and the world around you. So just embrace those feelings. Even the icky ones. I know it’s hard, but this is an important part of the process.
First, when you feel frozen, stuck, or indecisive, return to the present moment. This is what we call being mindful. Ground yourself by noticing 3 things you can see around you, 2 things you can hear, and 1 thing you can feel (like maybe your back against the chair or your feet on the floor). This helps you to get back in the present moment and know you are in control of the now.
Second, put your hand on your heart and talk to your worry, stuck thoughts.
You can say something like: “Okay. I know you’re trying to keep me safe by keeping me on the same or familiar path. But, you don’t have to work so hard, because I will get through this. Even if I feel uncomfortable, that’s okay too.” This will build your resilience, grit, and confidence. That means, it will get a teeny bit easier each time you do the scary thing.
[WRAP-UP]
Nakita: Thanks again to Jazlyn from Canada for sharing with us about all the big feelings she experienced going to a restaurant. And thank you, Dr. Lockhart, for letting us remember and understand what to do when we feel frozen or stuck.
And thanks to Jazlyn and her grown up for sharing a few great tips that helped you out when you froze, I’ll have to write those down.
Ann-Louise: So many adults grew up not talking about feelings and it’s time for us to change that story. I’m so glad you listeners are here with us. If you want professional help and need to talk to someone about how you feel. You can find a therapist online by typing “child psychologist near me”. You can look up all the different professionals in your area.
That's a great place to start.
Nakita: And remember, you are the expert on your emotions.
Ann-Louise: Emotions are really your friend.
Nakita: And you're always allowed to feel what you feel.
Ann-Louise: Let's continue this journey together.
[CLOSING]
Nakita: Thanks for joining us today. You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart. You can find my book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
Ann-Louise: Everyday Feels is written by Nakita Simpson and Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart. Our show is edited and produced by Ari Mathae with help from Matthew Winner. Sound design is by Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. And check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Nakita: Until next time.
Ann-Louise: Bye for now.