Let’s talk about feeling nervous and scared. Julia shares a memory of meeting a dog, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how support makes scary situations easier to handle.
Let’s talk about feeling nervous and scared. Julia shares a memory of meeting a dog, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how support makes scary situations easier to handle.
You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart.
You can find Nakita’s book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. Check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Everyday Feels: A Kids Podcast About Emotions
S1 EP8, Julia (Nervous + Scared)
[INTRODUCTION]
Nakita: Hi, I'm Nakita Simpson.
Ann-Louise: And I'm Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart.
Nakita: I wrote a kid's book called A Kids Book About Emotions.
Ann-Louise: and I help kids and grownups work through their emotions.
Nakita: And now we're making a podcast about them.
Ann-Louise: This is Everyday Feels, a podcast about emotions for kids and their grownups.
Nakita: This podcast is better together. Listen with a grownup, with a family member, with the class or with a friend. How are you feeling today, Dr. Lockhart?
Ann-Louise: I'm feeling satisfied, because I had an amazing lunch. It was so, so good. How about you Nakita? How are you feeling today?
Nakita: I'm feeling calm, because I took some time this morning to rearrange my day to end better than it started.
Ann-Louise: Thanks for sharing. I love hearing people’s stories, even those mini experiences.
Nakita: You’re welcome, Dr. Lockhart. Thank you for that too. Thinking about this episode, what happens when two emotions we’re familiar with combine?
Ann-Louise: Oh, that can get tricky, because it can feel overwhelming when we’re trying to make sense of two different emotions, especially if they both feel very similar. We should definitely talk more about that.
Nakita: I can’t wait to learn more about that today. Are you ready?
Ann-Louise: I sure am. Are you?
Nakita: Definitely!
[SHARING THE MEMORY]
Nakita: Speaking of feeling two emotions at once, I think it's time we heard from Julia, from Maryland, who shares a memory when she felt scared and nervous.
Let's listen together.
Grown-up: I'm gonna tell you what to say. Ready? Um, hi, my name is Julia and I'm how many years? Um, six.
Julia: Hi. Hi, my name is Julia. I'm six. I live in Maryland.
Grown-up: Can you name the people in your family?
Julia: Mommy, daddy, Jonah,
Grown-up: So tell me about, did you say, um, it was a time when you felt scared and nervous?
Julia: I was scared and nervous when I first saw Enzo because I was scared that he was going to bite me.
Grown-up: Who's Enzo?
Julia: He is one of nanny's dogs. He's a baby dog. He looks so cute.
Grown-up: Then what made you nervous about him? If he looks so cute?.
Julia: I mean, he's not cute. He looks really weird, but his teeth are sharp, so I'm scared that he will bite me.
Grown-up: Oh, what did you do when you were scared and nervous?
Julia: I just tried to walk away from him.
Grown-up: Okay. And did you, was that a good choice to do or did you wish you did something differently?
Julia: I wish I did something differently.
Grown-up: What did you wish you did instead of walking?
Julia: Running away.
Grown-up: Are you did everything turn out okay though? Was it?
Julia: And then like a couple of days passed. I was fine with him because he turned so cute.
Grown-up: He turned so cute? How do you feel about Enzo now?
Julia: Cute.
Grown-up: You feel like he's cute. Do you like to see him?
Julia: Yes!
Grown-up: Oh, that's so good.
Ann-Louise: Thank you Julia for sharing your experience about feeling scared and nervous when you first met your nanny’s dogs.
Nakita Yes, thank you so much for sharing, Julia. Hey listeners, Dr. Lockhart and I are gonna take a moment and pause right here, and you should too. Stand up, stretch those arms and legs, and get settled again. When we come back, we'll talk more about feeling a little scared and nervous. We'll even give you listeners a chance to share a memory about it and listen while others around you share their memories too.
We'll continue after the short break.
[EXPLORING THE EMOTION]
Nakita: Welcome back to Everyday Feels.
We just listened to Julia who shared with us how scared and nervous she felt when she met her Nanny’s dog Enzo for the first time. I felt a little nervous too!
Ann-Louise: I did too Nakita. Thanks for sharing, Julia. I think it’s so important to remember or to know if you’re hearing this for the first time, that our feelings are really our friends. Feelings can be so big that we feel like running away, hiding, or screaming. Those reactions make sense when the situation is uncertain..
Nakita: Good point, Dr. Lockhart. Feeling scared and nervous feels like a lot of things at once! Are there some helpful words we can use to describe all the things Julia must have been feeling at that moment?
Ann-Louise: That's a great question. Nakita. Now there are definitely words we can use to describe feeling nervous and scared at once. These are called synonyms. These include words such as hesitant, unsure, distracted, confused, doubtful, and afraid.
Nakita: When I hear these words, it reminds me that feeling scared and nervous about something like a dog I’ve never met feels different from being scared and nervous about taking a hard test. Why does feeling hesitant feel so different than just feeling scared or just nervous?
Ann-Louise: You know Nakita, it depends on the situation and what it means to the person experiencing it. Also, if you have more support in the moment, it feels a little bit easier to handle. Like in your example, if you’re scared and nervous about meeting a dog, but your nanny and mom are nearby, you know you are safe and can go to them if you need to. But, if you’re at school and about to take a hard test, you don’t really have that same support. So, those feelings aren’t comforted. In the hard test situation, you might feel afraid, confused, and even distracted.
Nakita: That’s another great point Dr. Lockhart, what makes me unsure can look really different than what makes someone else feel hesitant!
I remember when I started middle school and how much harder it was for me to fit in than my classmates. I think about how nerve wracking, or doubtful, I felt inside my body.
Ann-Louise: That sounds so familiar. I had that same experience, especially because I went to a new middle school that was much larger than I was used to. I didn’t know anybody. I felt so uncomfortable and really nervous.
Nakita: I’m so glad we’re talking about this, Dr. Lockhart. You know what I think we should do? Why don't we give everyone listening the opportunity to share a memory with whomever they’re listening with. Maybe that's a babysitter or a neighbor, a sibling, or a grandparent, a classmate, or a grownup you trust. And if you're listening by yourself, you can say the memory out loud or just think it to yourself.
Ann-Louise: You know, Nakita. I think that's a great idea. Think about a time you felt scared and nervous at once. Share that memory. Remember why you felt scared and nervous. You can write it down, play it out, and share it with your grownup.
And if you're a grown up and listening with your kid, take this time to listen, give them the space to share and then thank them for sharing their story.
There’s no need to provide advice. Just listen for now. We'll give you more specific tools in a bit.
Nakita: All right everyone, here's where you can pause the podcast and share your memory with whomever you're listening with. Take as much time as you need. Dr. Lockhart and I will be waiting right here for you when you're ready to come back.
[REFLECTION BREAK]
Ann-Louise: Welcome back to Everyday Feels. We hope you had the opportunity to share by yourself or with your grownup about a time you felt scared and nervous at the same time.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, before we wrap up, are there any tools for feeling nervous or scared and any tools you can think of that would help our listeners and even the grownups?
Ann-Louise: Absolutely! You know, I have one reminder and two really helpful tips.
Always remember your feelings are not your enemy, your feelings give you messages about other people and the world around you. So just notice those feelings. Even the ones you usually try to avoid. I know it’s hard, but this is such an important part of the process, and it helps you grow.
First, start by saying a strength statement. You can say it in your mind or out loud. You can say: “This feeling is trying to keep me safe. I’m okay. I can feel brave and scared at the same time”. Changing from the scared thoughts to the brave thoughts will shift how your brain sees them. Maybe not right away, but it certainly will over time.
Second, if a person or situation is creating unsafe feelings in you, you can say “Stop! That makes me feel uncomfortable.” It’s okay to tell someone how you expect to be spoken to and treated. Yes, even if the person is a grownup. Then, go to a safe adult and let them know how you feel and what you need. You deserve to feel safe!
[WRAP-UP]
Nakita: Well, that’s our show. Thank you so much Julia from Maryland for sharing with us how scared and nervous you felt meeting Enzo. And thank you, Dr. Lockhart, for letting us remember and understand what to do when we feel scared and nervous.
And thank you for reminding us that being unsure or hesitant can look completely different for everyone, and that’s ok.
Ann-Louise: So many adults grew up not talking about feelings and it’s time for us to change that story. I’m so glad you listeners are here with us. If you want professional help and need to talk to someone about how you feel. You can find a therapist online by typing “child psychologist near me”. You can look up all the different professionals in your area.
That's a great place to start.
Nakita: And remember, you are the expert on your emotions.
Ann-Louise: Emotions are really your friend.
Nakita: And you're always allowed to feel what you feel.
Ann-Louise: Let's continue this journey together.
[CLOSING]
Nakita: Thanks for joining us today. You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart. You can find my book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
Ann-Louise: Everyday Feels is written by Nakita Simpson and Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart. Our show is edited and produced by Ari Mathae with help from Matthew Winner. Sound design is by Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. And check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Nakita: Until next time.
Ann-Louise: Bye for now.