Let’s talk about feeling fear. Leo shares a memory of finding courage, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how doing hard things when we’re afraid can help us grow.
Let’s talk about feeling fear. Leo shares a memory of finding courage, and Dr. Lockhart and Nakita discuss how doing hard things when we’re afraid can help us grow.
You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online at anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart.
You can find Nakita’s book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. Check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Everyday Feels: A Kids Podcast About Emotions
S1 EP6, Leo (Fear + Confidence)
[INTRODUCTION]
Nakita: Hi, I'm Nakita Simpson.
Ann-Louise: And I'm Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart.
Nakita: I wrote a kid's book called A Kids Book About Emotions.
Ann-Louise: And I help kids and grownups work through their emotions.
Nakita: And now we're making a podcast about them.
Ann-Louise: This is Everyday Feels, a podcast about emotions for kids and their grownups.
Nakita: This podcast is better together. Listen with a grownup, with a family member, with the class or with a friend. How are you feeling today, Dr. Lockhart?
Ann-Louise: I'm feeling content, because life is just really good right now. I have some really cool projects I’m doing, like this one. How about you Nakita? How are you feeling today?
Nakita: I'm feeling a little tired because I've been up pretty early today and a little curious about what I should make for lunch, but overall, very excited to be talking to you today.
Ann-Louise: Thanks for sharing. I love that we share in common, our love of food. It feels good to share. What's really going on instead of acting like everything's okay. Our feelings matter, and we can share them with one another.
Nakita: Oh, anytime Dr. Lockhart, and thank you for that too. And for that great reminder. Thinking about this episode, what is happening when you started feeling one emotion? Usually one, you may not like all too much, and then it switches to something more pleasant. Why does that happen?
Ann-Louise: That’s the million dollar question, right? I have noticed when I start out feeling one way, usually a feeling I may not like all that much. Then, I give myself permission to do the thing I have been avoiding, it actually creates a shift in me. I actually start to feel less of the uncomfortable feeling and feel empowered or stronger. It’s cool how that happens. I find that when I feel unsure about doing something unfamiliar and I do it anyway, I end up feeling changed somehow. That’s kinda neat how that happens, isn’t it?
Nakita: That is pretty neat. Whenever I’ve had to deal with something that made me anxious or afraid, and learned how to do them, I always felt better afterwards. I’d even say confident.
So we're going to discuss what happens when you start out feeling one emotion and then it shifts. We’ll talk about why that happens and what it all means. Are you ready?
Ann-Louise: I sure am. Are you?
Nakita: Definitely!
[SHARING THE MEMORY]
Nakita: Speaking of feeling these shifting emotions, I think it's time we heard from Leo, from Pasadena, California, who has a story to share about feeling fearful and then experiencing that shift.
Leo is 8 years old. Let's listen to him.
Leo: Hi! My name is Leo, and I’m 8 years old. And I’m from Pasadena, California.
So who I live with in my mom, and it’s just me and my mom, So there’s this one time where I was kinda scared. And it was my first rollercoaster ride. For some reason I thought it would be fun, but then I was really really scared for some, I don’t know why.
But then I went to the other rides and they were more fun, and then I got more confident to get into the other rides that I was scared of.
I also felt like I was gonna fall off of the rollercoaster thing and then throw up, so that mmm...well, I’m very, so here’s the thing, I’m not afraid of planes, but I’m very afraid of heights when it’s going like fast and up and down.
The emotions that I were feelings was like sad, scared, hmm frustrated kinda, because I really wanted to go on the ride, but I was like, I can’t go on this ride. I’m just, yeah.
And then I took the ride again after I took those other rides and it went well. And I felt better.
Yeah, I went on the other rides and then I went back to this ride, and I felt more confident and it worked. And I felt happy again and confident and I wanted to go on other rides now.
Ann-Louise: I love Leo’s story so much. I love it, because he described what it’s like to feel scared about doing something, but then being brave enough to feel his feelings, talk about them, and do the thing he was scared of anyway. Then, a really amazing thing happened. He felt confident. Isn’t that wonderful?! I cannot wait to discuss this more with you.
Nakita: I love this conversation, Dr. Lockhart. You know what? Why don't we just take a short stop here. Let’s let out a big yawn, roll our shoulders back and forth, and move our head side to side. And when we come back, we'll talk about feeling one undesirable emotion and then when and why it shifted for the better. We'll even give you listeners a chance to share that memory and listen as others around you share their memories too.
We'll continue after the short break.
[EXPLORING THE EMOTION]
Nakita: Welcome back. We just listened to Leo who told us about how he felt fearful about getting on a rollercoaster, but then felt confident about his decision to do it anyway.
Ann-Louise: That was such an inspiring story. Thanks for sharing, Leo. Doing things when things are hard gives us a set of skills we can download once we do the hard things. It doesn’t always feel good or even comfortable, but growing is complicated. As you’re growing, it will feel uncomfortable at times. You know, as a kid, you're still learning about feelings and your brain is learning about what to do when you feel them. Your brain is trying to decide whether to face the hard thing or run away.
Nakita: I’m glad you brought that up Dr. Lockhart. I struggled a lot with responsibilities when I was a kid. And sometimes it’s still difficult as a grownup. But when it gets hard to do something, I tell myself “we can do hard things”. Those words really help give me the courage to keep going. Speaking of words, what are other names used to describe the feeling of fear? It's a conference.
Ann-Louise: That's a great question. Nakita. Now there are definitely words we can use to describe the emotion of going from feeling fear to feeling confident. These are called synonyms. Words such as empowered, accomplished, proud, hopeful, inspired, enthusiastic, determined, resilient, grit, and optimistic. I have so many words for this one. This one inspires me...like a lot!
They mean different things, but they all describe different ways of feeling good about something you’ve done, especially when it started out being hard.
Nakita: Hmm. Now, why do you think it's important to feel uncomfortable until confidence hits?
Ann-Louise: Well, because life isn’t always easy. It can be really tough. Taking the easy path all the time doesn’t build strength or grit. Facing tough things actually develops perseverance. That means, you can learn to keep going even when everything around you tells you to give up or to quit. When you push through even when things are tough, you create a memory in your brain that future you can use when tough things pop up again.
Nakita: I'm so glad you brought that up. Dr. Lockhart, thank you for sharing that. It's okay to know that life can be hard, but we can always find tools to push through and help us come out better on the other side.
And feeling unsure sometimes is okay to not giving up takes a lot of bravery.
I remember when I was at summer camp as a kid, I felt really scared because I was so far away from my mom for a whole month. I'd never gone that long from her. It was hard to learn how to come out of my shell. But when I started saying yes to trying a lot of things, I was afraid of, I grew so much as a person and I still use that memory to remember how to be confident in myself.
Ann-Louise: Yes! That sounds so familiar. I remember when I was a kid and I felt shy and different. Then, I became involved and took on leadership and acting roles in my church’s youth group. It shifted something within me. I felt more confident and different somehow. I did the hard thing and it changed me...for the better.
Nakita: I’m so glad that trying something hard worked out well, I’m sure it might have been scary but you came out the other side of things even better.
You know what I think we should do? Why don't we give everyone listening the opportunity to share a memory with whomever they may be listening with. Maybe that's a teacher or a friend, a cousin, or a sibling, a parent, or a grownup you trust. And if you're listening by yourself, you can say the memory out loud or just think it to yourself.
Ann-Louise: Nakita. I think that's a great idea.
What I would suggest is to take your time. Hold onto feeling safe, right? And know that sharing the memory doesn't have to be an overwhelmingly scary thing.
Think about the memory. Remember why you were scared and what happened when it shifted for the better. Talk about why it turned out well for you in the end.
You can write it down, draw it out and share it with your grownup.
And if you're a grown up and listening with your kid, take this time to listen, give them the space to share and then thank them for sharing their story.
No need to provide advice. Just listen for now. We'll give you more specific tools in a bit.
Nakita: All right. Well, here's where you can pause the podcast and share your memory with whomever you're listening with. Take as much time as you need. Dr. Lockhart, and I will be waiting right here for you when you're ready to come back.
[REFLECTION BREAK]
Ann-Louise: Welcome back. We hope you had the opportunity to maybe share by yourself or with your grownup about a time you felt fearful, but then it shifted and you gained confidence.
Nakita: Dr. Lockhart, before we wrap up, are there any tools for fearful feelings and doing hard things that you think would help our listeners and even the grownups?
Ann-Louise: Absolutely Nakita. I have one reminder and two really helpful tips.
Always remember your feelings are not your enemy, your feelings give you messages about other people and the world around you. So just embrace those feelings. Even the icky ones. I know it’s hard, but this is an important part of the process.
First, when you feel fear, think about your strengths and say it out loud. Tell yourself what you’re good at and what you can do. Like...say it out loud. Like a superhero with your hands on your waist. Superman pose! Say it loud: “I can do hard things!”
Second, write down your goals. What have you been avoiding that you can start doing to face your fears? Write down how you would like for it to end too? What will that look like? Who do you want to be there to support you? Write that down too.
[WRAP-UP]
Nakita: Thanks again to Leo from Pasadena, California, for sharing with us about how he felt when he faced his fear and gained confidence riding a rollercoaster for the first time. And thank you, Dr. Lockhart, for letting us remember and understand what feeling confident is.
And thank you for reminding us that embracing our feelings is a necessary but helpful part of gaining confidence.
Ann-Louise: Of course, Nakita. I'm so glad to be here, talking with you about feelings and to our listeners. If you want professional help and need to talk to someone about how you feel. You can find a therapist online by typing “child psychologist near me”. You can look up all the different professionals in your area.
That's a great place to start.
Nakita: And remember, you are the expert on your emotions.
Ann-Louise: Emotions are really your friend.
Nakita: And you're always allowed to feel what you feel.
Ann-Louise: Let's continue this journey together.
[CLOSING]
Nakita: Thanks for joining us today. You can find out more about Dr. Lockhart and her practice online anewdaysa.com and on Instagram at @dr.annlouise.lockhart. You can find my book, A Kids Book About Emotions and other kids' books about important topics at akidsco.com
Ann-Louise: Everyday Feels is written by Nakita Simpson and Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart. Our show is edited and produced by Ari Mathae with help from Matthew Winner. Sound design is by Chad Michael Snavely and the team at Sound On Studios. Our executive producer is Jelani Memory. And this show was brought to you by A Kids Podcast About.
If there’s an emotion you want to share for us to explore, send us a note at listen@akidspodcastabout.com. And check out other podcasts made for kids just like you by visiting akidsco.com.
Nakita: Until next time.
Ann-Louise: Bye for now.